After months of anticipation, Cloverfield finally hits theaters this Friday. Personally, I can’t wait to see the most gruesome violation of the Statue of Liberty since Ghostbusters II.

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After it was finally revealed that Cloverfield is a spectator’s eye view of a monster attack on New York City, several questions naturally popped into my head. What if something like this happened in a smaller town, like, say… I don’t know… Panama City?

What would be our city’s reaction to a gigantic monster taking out all those brand new condos?

Does Tyndall actually have a contingency plan in case a gigantic monster attacks our fair city?

Just how much worse could the traffic on Highway 231 get?

Would I have to come to work?

(Since Cloverfield had some advanced screenings, some viewers were able to depict what the Cloverfield monster looks like. So naturally I had to Photoshop it attacking the Hathaway Bridge. Well, either attacking or dry-humping.)

(And here’s the Cloverfield monster witnessing Barry Bonds’ historic 756th home run. You can see his claws touching the left field grass, which is clearly fan interference, meaning that home run totally shouldn’t have counted. And the six homers he hit after that… those shouldn’t count either until we figure this out.)

(And here’s the Cloverfield monster crashing a kid’s birthday party. He just came for the cake, he didn’t even bring a present. That’s just rude. Someone should totally say something.)